Problematic Families

I received two asks on my Tumblr within the space of a week about family, and i think it's time to talk about it.

Families are very tricky things to discuss, everyone's family is different but i can most certainly tell you one thing. Every family has problems. Whether it be that you have an aunt who's into drugs or your cousin is a sex addict. Perhaps your father has been incarcerated or your niece has severe depression, every family will have that one hidden secret that only the family knows about. Some families, much like my own have several. Dozens of problems that can make or can break the family. Recently, my family faced a massive problem when they found out about something i was doing which i'm ashamed about and regret ever doing it but i did and i have to face up to that. For a while, just over a year i'd been purposely self-harming. Again, i do not condone this behavior and if you are feeling like this at all please talk to someone my contact details will be at the bottom of this post if you feel you don't want to talk to a professional or a family member etc. When my family found out it was a massive shock to the system for them, tears and anger a plenty. But we did get through that day of course it was a huge hiccup in the relationships between sister and brother, daughter and mother and even the partnership between my mother and step-father. But with communication we got through it. That is my first tip for everyone when it comes to family. Communication is key, if you don't talk to your parents, there's no way they can know how you're feeling. No one is an open book and although you may portray your emotions not everyone understands the signs. So the best option is to talk, whether it's about something like your day or if you're feeling like you're in danger of yourself. It's important that you have that free communication.
My second tip is trust. Something which my family lacked for many years after my step-brother left. He was the mainly problematic member of my family, with his wild attitude and want for danger and rebellion, it meant that anyone who could be under his influence wasn't really trusted much. Which was myself and my older brother. Neither my mother nor my step-father really trusted me for a while because you could argue i was going through that typical 'rebellious teenager' phase, where you don't go to bed until you want to and you don't go to the place you'd been told to stay at. There's this little park near my home that myself and one of my friends used to go to every time we hung out together but my mum didn't like it so she told me it was banned, i still went of course and that resulted in multiple groundings until eventually i learnt my lesson.
My third tip is to try and forget the problems until you need to think about them. It may sound stupid but it's actually really good. See people retain their problems for an amount of time which is over the top. You need to be able to let go and think of other things. Many other things are important, so for example if you're about to sit exams focus on those rather than the fact you think your parents might be splitting up, it means that although there is still the chance at least at the current time you're distracted by something other than the problem.
My family life is pretty messed up, i live in a group of four, my mother, step-father, brother and then myself and although we get along quite well, there is running problems within us. Stuff that cannot be helped. My step-father for example, he has bi-polar disorder as well as severe depression, some days he feels like the world is against him and talks about suicide and others he feels like the world is with him and talks about his and my mothers upcoming nuptials. His past has influenced his present and his future much like mine and my brothers. My brother lives with anger problems, he lives with constant anger because of what happened to us. My mother is probably the strongest one of us all, as the only 'problems' she has with her are stress and age related. Then there's me, because of my past mixed with my present and future i have problems that i hate to admit to. This is where tip number 5 comes in, don't do this. Don't keep things to yourself, linking in with communication it's best to talk to people. You shouldn't have to face things alone, it't not healthy and can lead to things getting worse and no one wants that. The repression of problems can cause dangerous side effects for example; high blood pressure, an experiment from way back in 1988 proved that people who repressed any emotional turmoil had a higher blood pressure than those who are highly anxious (repression article). So please don't do this, think about your health and the health of those around you.
Many people forget something when they see the problems that their families are going through, and that is that no matter what your family will love you. There are seven kinds of love; Eros (which is romantic or sexual), Agape (love of humanity, contributing), Philia (feelings part of a group/team), Ludus (playful, fun and exciting love), Philautia (self-love, bigging yourself up, being kind to self), Pragma (Love that endures/being there) and Storge (family love. Relations or very close friendship) this love is also known as unconditional, meaning that no matter what you do you will always be loved or you will always love. Although families do fit into several of those categories the main one that people see is Storge otherwise known as unconditional. So whenever you're thinking of a problem that your family is going through think of that.
I cannot say a lot about a lot of things, because i'm not sure on a lot of things. Although my family is problematic we're it in different ways to most, all i can really say is be positive and talk things through with whoever you want or can. I don't know what it's like to have a family member imprisoned and i don't know what it's like to have a mother or father die. But i know a lot about other things, divorce, abuse etc. are things that i'm in knowledge of but please don't hesitate to talk to me about anything, at all it doesn't even have to be related to the topic of problematic families. People are here to help for a reason, and those reasons should be taken advantage of (in the right ways). Below will be several wesbites for companies and organisations who can help with family problems, and honestly, i'm sorry to anyone who is going through anything at the moment. Keep your head up high and talk to people.

Family Lives
Support Line (these are really good, and i would recommend fully)
Parenting
Get Connected
Barnardos
Elder Wisdom Circle

I really hope this has helped the two anons from Tumblr, as i hope it has helped anyone else. Thank you all very much for reading.

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Fashion Sense

I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post, I know I said I'd post every Monday but I forgot my password and it wasn't until one of my good old pals told me I could still log in because of all this complicated computer jargon (if she's reading this... Bruh... Bruh... Looking fine af as per).

If you've read My First Blog Post you'll know how my fashion sense is rather different from what is considered normal. Someone sent an ask to my tumblr account, which i thought was insanely cute so yeah, i decided that for this lovely anonymous messenger i will do this post.

So into it we go. Honestly, I never really intended to have such a different taste in what i wear, as a child i grew up wearing girly clothing you know dresses and skirts which blew in the light summer breeze. Then i turned about 12 maybe 13 and i realised i wasn't into that stuff. So, from then i kind of became what was commonly known as a tom boy. Skinny jeans weren't really a thing back then, the only people who really wore then were full on 'Emo's' and no one really wanted to be labelled as that as it was totally socially unacceptable, so instead it was more a case of 'straight cut' jeans, where the material would just so skim the leg. Obviously, when I discovered the beauty of skinny jeans at I'm guessing around 14, maybe 15 it was as I was the founder of sliced bread. I still stuck to popular fashion for a while even after my discovery of not wanting to wear what everyone else did and not wanting to be that stereotypical girl. My parents, at first weren't very accepting of what they thought to just be a phase so my mother, especially, would buy me clothes that weren't what I wanted and i'd still wear them. Shirts that were pink, at one point I owned a very fashionable skort (skirt and short combination) which was honestly in fashion when I wore it. I think 16 was when I fully came into my own fashion wise. My mum had finally given in to my alternative dress demands, and just like before my dad didn't care about what I wore as long as I was comfortable. So, I would go to more alternative stores 'Dot Blacks' etc. I bought a pair of Doc Martens and wore them like they were my religion. It happened slowly at first then all at once, that's a saying I've heard said hundreds of times and I've never used until now. 

Acquiring my fashion sense was somewhat strange, most people gradually enter some form of a mind set where they want to dress that way, or they're inspired by a model or family member perhaps. Not me, of course. My method, the way I got into the alternative clothing scene? Well, let me tell you a little story. Back in April (I don't actually know the month, I made it up but April's a nice month so we'll stick with that) 2009 my brother was a massive fan of the British music magazine 'Kerrang!' and would often bring it home and show me, by this time I'd been into some alt. artists like All Time Low, You Me At Six and Paramore so it was kind of our thing to look through the magazine. I'd seen an image of Gerard Way on one of the glossy pages and was intrigued, my brother always tells me that I thought he was good looking and I stand by my initial interpretation of him. I can't remember exactly what he was wearing but knowing his style it was something super Emo. That wasn't why I got into it though, that was just the beginning of my almost minor obsession with the dress sense of genuine rock stars. Like I previously mentioned I was into Paramore, their lead singer Hayley Williams was at the time my idol (now I find her annoying and bitchy (especially after what she said about Luke Hemmings last year because he wore a band shirt by a band which he liked but she didn't believe that because she's an insufferable little turd)) anyway, that's not the point. I started to look at her fashion more closely, that is when I got into alternative fashion. I loved the colours and the general look of it really. Is never seen someone pull that kind of thing off before but I loved it. It wasn't her who got me into the fashion in was the colours which for someone whom now wears pretty much all black is odd. 

Like I said, it was still quite a while after that before I actually started to dress the way I wanted and even now I don't get to  dress exactly the way I want because I don't have the money too but I'm somewhere along the lines, band shirts and skinny jeans that's all any of us need.  

Of course, there are down sides to my sense of style, the way I dress is ridiculed of course. Wearing a tattoo choker around my home town isn't exactly what people normally wear and although there are many people who do there still a higher ratio in favour to those who don't. My family are a major contributor to my torment especially on consideration to my clothing, phrases like; 'what are you wearing it looks like you've spray painted those jeans on' and 'I don't know why you go out looking like that, why don't you wear a dress. Dresses are always nice. I wore a dress to a concert when I was your age.' In case you didn't realise those aren't generic statements they're genuinely what my mother and step-father have told me, the second statement was something she told me last Sunday just before I went to a Lower Than Atlantis concert with a group of friends. She'd decided to lecture me on what I was wearing five minutes before my bus was due. Nevertheless, I carry on wearing what I want to (within reason) or as Fitzgerald says 'so we beat on boats against the current borne back ceaselessly into the past' (good old AS English Literature coming into fruition right there). 

I have a few pearls of wisdom when it comes to clothing, I mean I'm 18 so of course I do. 

1. Wear what makes you comfortable. Don't wear what's fashionable if it doesn't make you feel comfy, what would be the point? 

2. Being different is okay, everyone has different opinions and if your opinion differs from everyone else's that doesn't matter, you'll look hot af anyway. 

3. Clothing is essential, revealing skin is okay but revealing too much can land you in a cell so maybe put on a sweater?

4. You're beautiful in whatever you wear. Got chunky legs but want to wear a skirt, shorts or skinny jeans/trousers. Wear them, boys and girls just wear them at the end of the day if you didn't like them then don't wear them again, if you did like them ignore anyone who says you don't look amazing because honestly take it from someone in the same position you do and you probably always will. 

5. Don't spend out of your range. If you need to shop on a budget do it. What does it matter if you don't have the latest trends all the time, at the end of the day you'll have the clothing you need rather than the clothing that's 'in' at that point, guess what trends change but you'll always need clothes. 

6. Where it when you want to wear it. I've seen so many people complain about how people wear summer clothing in winter and vice versa. What does it matter, if he wants to wear shorts in December it's his own choice maybe he's doing something where shorts are needed or maybe he just wants to wear them. She wants to wear thermal socks in July, good on her it's always cold in the UK at least she's keeping her tootsies warm. 

7. This is probably the only critical thing I'll say, band shirts. I'm guilty of this, I use to do it quite a lot. Don't judge someone by the band on their shirt by this I mean I someone has a bad on their shirt which you don't actually believe they listen to don't call it out, you could be wrong. Think about it, if you know that the specific person doesn't like that band and/or musician or they've never listened to them then sure that's grounds to call it out but otherwise you don't know what that persons into. I mean no one would have thought 9 year old me would be into AC/DC but I was so...

8. If you think someone doesn't look good or doesn't suit what they're wearing either tell them to their face POLITELY or just keep your thoughts to yourself. There's nothing worse than leaving the house thinking 'omg I feel beautiful' only to have some imbecile snigger about what you're wearing. I'm guilt of this and having had it done to me I understand how it felt when I did it to someone, now I try not to do it. Sure sometimes it can slip out but seriously try and control it, it really hurts people. 
9. Don't try and live up to someone else's expectations, if your parents make you wear stuff that you don't like after you're a certain age stand up and tell them. I spent a while dressing in a way i didn't want to because i was to afraid to tell my parents i didn't want to wear those clothes and it was so elf demolishing so please don't do it. Stand up to your parent and tell them, i don't want to wear that i want to wear this. Same principle to friends, if your friends are pressuring you into wearing something you don't want to do say no. If they're your true friends they won't mind.
Finally, 10. Don't underestimate the power of clothing, the way you dress is a massive insight into who you are, for example a person who wears band shirts all the time is clearly defined as a music enthusiast, but depending on those bands can be labelled as 'weird', 'dysfunctional' and others which i don't care to say. So, when you are deciding what to wear, to be truly confident you are going to have to ignore people, unfortunately and i'm not sure if i've already said this people are ignorant and assholes so they're going to voice their opinion in some way against or for what you're wearing and you will have to develop somewhat of a thick skin so that these comments don't hurt you.

I hope this is what you asked for beautiful anon, and i hope that my ten top tips can help some people and not seem to harsh or rude or anything like that. I hope everyone has a great week and again i apologise for not updating sooner.
Also, i remembered my password for my kik account so you can message me on their too now, Thank you all very much for reading.

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